Raw and Unfiltered

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The best honey always is.

I was born today. 2:35pm.

120 lbs, 65 1/2 inches long. Brown eyes, brown curly hair, with just a little gray at the temples. 41 years old.

Today, my first born son turns 18. But it’s the first day of my life.

When I looked at that positive pregnancy stick, I first figured out my due date. The second date I calculated? Freedom day. Today.

Being my first blog, I wonder, should hold back from telling you my deepest secrets until we know each other a bit better? Nah.

You see, I never intended to be a mother. It got in the way of my big plans to become rich and famous. To act in Hollywood. To travel the world. To stay sane.

It couldn’t be that I hid my fear of failure behind the task of motherhood. Nothing like that. How could I possibly follow my dreams now? Building a family and supporting my husband took center stage. I blocked myself, before I’d even started to try.

Although I have two younger children and sending my son off to college does not ‘free’ me, today I’m claiming a new beginning. Marking it by finally posting this blog, another deferred desire for, I don’t know, maybe 5 years. I have to forgive myself for all the wasted time.

My son, Sebastian and I have grown up together. We experienced the same struggle to find true friends, shared confusion over our future careers, and even suffered through simultaneous acne breakouts. We learned how to keep a house clean and cook a healthy meal (although we don’t always do it).

We both ache for a divine connection with our Creator. Some direction would be nice. But we’re both learning to take baby steps.

Afterall, I was just born.